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Saturday, February 27, 2010

and the first week is over

Yep.  I made it through the first week and I'm still alive and kicking!

It was actually a really great week as far as work was concerned.  The little one was with me all week - so that was fabulous as well!

My youngest sister and brother came to the big D to stay with me - they watched the little one and did their school while I was at work.  Then, when I came home from work we all played.  Fun times.
As for my poor husband - his week was not so good.
First of all, he wasn't with us, so that in itself is bad.  Yea, my self esteem needs help, I know.  
But really, it was a sad week for him - his best friend went home to Heaven on Tuesday.

An amazingly wonderful thing for him, a really sad thing for my husband.  So, it's been a hard week - we knew that this was coming, as his cancer had returned and was spreading rapidly.  We have known for months that every day might be his last here on Earth.  But, it is still hard when it happens.

I feel bad because I am not the best at understanding these things.  I'm actually really bad at it.  For me, things are black and white.  He was sick, he was in immense pain, even breathing was labored and very difficult.  So, for me, the fact that right now, he is in Heaven, worshiping our Heavenly Father, is just amazing.  It gives me chills.  It makes my eyes water.  Not out of sadness, but out of unbelievable happiness. I'm actually kinda jealous.  I mean seriously - in Heaven.  At HIS feet.  I could go on for years...
How cool!

For my husband, things are not so black and white.
He believes the same as me, he knows that being in Heaven is wonderful, but he is still sad.  His mind is full of thoughts - of sadness for the friend that he has lost.  For the phone call that won't ever happen again.  For the friend that he will not be able to visit again.  It is really hard for him to not be sad.
I wish I understood how his brain worked. 

For years, the fact that I think a little differently than most was not an issue.  That's because it was just me - no "we" in sight.  It's much easier to seem normal when you are the only person that you are comparing yourself to...  Now that I'm married - it's different.  I'm trying to learn to understand how people think.  I'm trying to learn to not be so black and white.  It's just hard.  Especially since black and white is much less stressful - not many emotions involved.  Emotions make me tired.  But, I will keep trying.

So, my husband is in Colorado for the funeral.  The little one and I are returning to H-Town tomorrow.  I leave for NY on Tuesday - the same day my husband returns home.  I have a feeling that this next month is going to fly by.  But, we will survive and we will enjoy the process.

My sister took some pics of the little one this week - this is one of my favorites.  She's a very talented 16 year old, don't you think?

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